There are only a few times in my life where I've properly felt in control of what was currently happening to me. One that springs to mind is when I went horse riding as a kid. I went to a center for disabled kids and learned there, because it was easier but also because it was out of the way. Nobody could watch me and critique my somewhat wobbly performance. My sister came with me as moral support and I think she was meant to be some kind of incentive for me to try harder but it didn't really turn out that way. However bad I was at it, I knew (or naively thought I knew) that I was in control of the horse. I remember the lesson when we got a new instructor and she asked me if I'd ever fallen off before and I said "No'mam, I have not" (in my western cowgirl accent of course). I touched wood straight after, like you would to cover your back. And YET, low and behold, that very same day was when I accidentally cantered for the first time. I fell off my horse and never went back again.

I laugh looking back at it now. My dad didn't even notice as I flew off the back of the saddle on to a pile of hay on the floor. Part of me wishes I'd stuck with it - I'm not big on sports but a sport where you can mostly sit down the entire time sounds like my kinda thing. The point I'm trying to make is that I thought I was in control but, naturally and oh so obviously, the universe had other plans. Age has kicked in since then and the pile of things I'd like to control got bigger and scarier than an animal moving at 40 miles an hour, which in some twisted way represents the education system perfectly.

Although I've spent the past 6-7 years wishing the days away like a tree does it's leaves in Autumn - but less gracefully and more violently and on the inside too, I'm slightly concerned about getting to the age I've always wanted to be. When I was younger, and had many a female babysitter, I used to fantasize about being twentysomething and having my life sorted out. I am well aware that this isn't the case and like all other ages and teenage milestones, it wont feel as cool as it did to a seven year old. Despite the lack of control of most situations in life, I'm excited about the more hard to handle circumstances and near horse riding misses.